tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9081519913102459229.post7387111198436003478..comments2023-06-05T04:26:43.187-07:00Comments on Losing Calista : Across the wide blue straights: Three Weeks, One Day: Collateral DamageBryce Fleminghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09030624722160683166noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9081519913102459229.post-61246658180459119632012-07-10T13:53:13.454-07:002012-07-10T13:53:13.454-07:00Bryce, I read your story on VIN & came to your...Bryce, I read your story on VIN & came to your blog to read the whole story. For some reason this post in particular is resonating with me - I am reminded of the parents of my childhood friend K. K and I were close from grade 6-12, and subsequently met up every winter and summer vacation from college, and then graduate school, for group parties and so on. When we were 23 K was diagnosed with cancer and at age 24 K passed away. His parents were, obviously, devastated. K was their only child and now they were completely bereft. As young people ourselves, my friends and I had no idea what to say or do to help K's parents. I can tell you that the "why K and not me" feeling was very prevalent among our close-knit group. The only thing that helped me with that was time and perspective. Watching K's parents suffer was painful for all of us. During the first few years after K's death, all of us in K's group tried to include his parents in our celebratory life events - but over time, it became clear they found these things too painful, and they withdrew. Our contact now is sporadic, 20 years later. K's father became bitter and resentful, refusing to socialize, lashing out at everyone. He did not recover from his crippling grief before his own subsequent death as a complication of "routine" orthopedic surgery a few years later. K's mom became more resigned and still matter-of-factly remarks "well, eventually I'll die and this will all be over. I just have to try to make the best of it." As K's friend, a close witness to his parents' grief, I can just barely claim to imagine the depth and breadth of your terrible loss. You are correct when you say it is just not right. It is just NOT RIGHT. I am so terribly sorry for your loss and would that there were some way to ease your pain. Sadly I cannot, no one can, you wil live through this terrible pain and you will learn to live with it or die trying. I hope that you develop the ability to remember the good times and carry on in the spirit Calista would have wanted for you.webhillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05938934194973454729noreply@blogger.com